I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
