Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
