First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
