i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
