I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
