John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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