i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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