Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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