I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
