Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
