And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
