she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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