"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
