SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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