Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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