Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
