So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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