I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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