She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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