now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
A bitchslap is in order.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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