hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
