we have pet lesbian snakes
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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