I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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