It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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