i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
