so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
