just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
