o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
