I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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