It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
