i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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