i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
