his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
