just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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