Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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