Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
