I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
