like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
