I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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