You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
