Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
