i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
im on a boat
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