grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
