At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
