Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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