my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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