thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
