Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
