I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
