I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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