just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
