I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
