I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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