Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
