How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
