I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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