Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
