I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
