Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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