i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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