You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
