My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
