Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
