Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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