there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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