My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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