All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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