Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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