They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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