he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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