And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
