i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
tonight lets celebrate not being married
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
