and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
it was like eating out sand paper
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
