just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
barbara walters just said penis...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
